My SoulCollage® Journey

Seaching for Fuel

2011-11-14T10:02:00.000-06:00

I am one who is looking for nourishment. Who is searching for the right fuel for my life. Who has spent a lot of time flitting from place to place looking for what I need to live a full and complete life.

Right now my search is medical. Looking for the right balance of practices and medications that will help me be healthy, active and alert. It is not easy.

This weekend I had a bad reaction to a new medication and spent the whole time resting, hoping a horrendous headache would go away. I stopped the drug and the headache is gone, all that is left is the echo of the headache. The sleeping meds don't seem to help either, I will quit them too.

Care for Nature

2011-11-11T11:30:00.000-06:00

I am one who is looking down at the earth. Who is crying because it is not being taken care of like it should. I am one who is part of nature and wishes to see more of the quiet peaceful places in the world.

Looking forward to spending some time in nature when we get to Oro Valley, AZ for Thanksgiving. The Sonoran Desert Museum, Sabino Canyon, Saguaro National Monument, just being with Rod while we rediscover those favorite places. It will also be a sad time. My dad will no longer be there, we will have to go to the cemetery in Cave Creek to be with him.

Looking Inside Myself

2011-11-07T07:55:00.000-06:00

I am one how is beginning to look inside. Who is spending much of her time on introspection. Who feels like she is out in the cold, just trying to find a way to get warm.

I don't feel well today and need to see the doctor as it has been dragging on for awhile. So I have been spending a lot of my time on introspection.

I spent Friday evening and all day Saturday with a group of women from my church learning about Spiritual Journaling. The journaling really dragged up some issues. Not sure if that was good or bad. Perhaps bad timing, since I am not feeling well. Good in the way that I needed the stuff up closer to the surface. We will see what else surfaces as I continue to deal with the health issues that are not being diagnosed because of the busyness of the doctors. I can't get an appointment until 2012!

Open to Water Energy

2011-09-16T08:28:00.000-05:00

I am one who is fully bloomed. Who is open to all that is available to me. Who plans to make the most of my life.

I am heading to the beach. I can't wait to spend some time listening to the waves, birds and all that goes with the beach.

I will be open to all the energy that is available to me. Filling me for the following year. All that wonderful water energy that I don't get enough of living drought ridden Texas.

More time than cash!

2011-09-04T13:29:00.000-05:00

I am one who sees those with more money than they know what to do with. Who sees those who don't help when they can. I am one who is feeling the impact of no job.

I am waiting to feel well enough to job search. There is the recovery from surgery and the memory problems. I am waiting to hear about an appointment for testing on the memory.

Overwhelmed

2011-09-02T13:23:00.000-05:00

I am one who is looking for time to be creative. Who is wishing she could get messy with her art. Who is overwhelmed with what needs to be done to tidy up my studio.

I have so much to do. No energy as I heal from surgery. There are friends and family coming in from out of town for Kyle's graduation. I need space to put them up and the house needs a bunch of repairs. Graduation is 3 weeks from today!

Safe in My Cocoon

2011-08-25T08:45:00.001-05:00

I am one who is protected by ancient energy. Who is feeling safe inside my space. I am one who is hoping the healing energies of the pyramid will sustain me through recovery.

Since I have been unable to drive I feel like I have been cocooning for a couple weeks. I am not sure form I will take when my chrysalis finally hatches.

But the enforced time at home has let me spend time healing. I think that is the real reason for the no drive rule by doctors!

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. MLK

2011-08-09T08:45:00.000-05:00

I am one who knows that I need to make the first step, even if all the rungs are not yet in place. I am one who is afraid where that first step may lead. I am one who knows that the Universe will support me on my journey up the ladder.

It is scary to take that first step into what at some point could be rung-less. I am focusing this week on getting through Thursday. I am unsure what if anything I will be able to do after the surgery. I am trying to be as organized as I can. I am trying to accomplish those things that are really difficult for others to do for me and leave the things easy for others to accomplish.

I need to focus a bit more on the thoughts and fears that go with major surgery and less on the things to accomplish.

Maze of My Life

2011-08-07T08:31:00.000-05:00

I am one who is reaching for the bright center of my soul. Who is aware of the maze that will lead me there. Who is wishing it was easier, no wrong or u-turns. I am one who feels lost and looking for the clear path to the bright center of myself.

I understand that I have to go through trials and tribulation to find the real me. But sometimes I feel like I have had enough and just want the path to be apparent.

Especially for the doctors. I am tired of being the puzzle for them to figure out. I just want to have an answer and a solution to my health issues!!!

Serenity

2011-08-04T08:19:00.000-05:00

I am one who is missing my week at the coast. I am one who is feeling the need to be in the ocean. Who is desperate for the oppressive heat to end.

There are 2 places I go to in my mind when I need break; the Oregon coast and Las Cruces, NM.

It has been so hot here in Texas, that Oregon is calling to me. I will make due with a long weekend on the Gulf coast next month, but it will be hot and sunny, not cool and foggy. I really need some cool and foggy!

I would really love to have some shady water to go to right now! It would go a long way to soothing my soul.

How Do I Steer This Thing?

2011-07-25T09:06:00.000-05:00

I am one who is feeling the heat from all that the Universe is sending me close to. Who is unsure what lies ahead when I don't seem to have much choice in my direction. Who is worried that if the lava doesn't get me the smoke will.

I am struggling with health issues again/still. My neurologist is not available until January, so I will see his PA today. I am not sure if I should hope things are bad enough to get me in sooner or not. My confusion, hand shaking and other assorted symptoms continue. Although the everything hurts symptom has lessened to everything is uncomfortable.

It is really hard to look for a job when you feel this way!

Facade

2011-07-20T08:50:00.001-05:00

I am one who at times seems bigger than life. Who is able to perform as though I am a strong person, but is actually just afraid to fail. Who appears to love the spotlight, but is truly just trying to find my niche.

I have recently realized that very few people know the real me. I have been performing as the person I think they want me to be for so long I have lost some of myself. It is hard to maintain that facade now that I feel so ill.

I really am a petty, jealous, lazy person. It appears I got more of the Adams' women genes than I thought.

Nurture vs Nature

2011-07-17T12:53:00.000-05:00

I am one who is nurturing. Who loves to spend time with my children.Who is aware that now that they are adults I have less influence on their decision making.

I always feel sad when Carey & Pam go back home. I know that they have their own lives, but I do enjoy being around them and miss them when they are at their home.

Our conversations always bring up things that are interesting to think about when they have gone home.

Working in Harmony

2011-07-15T09:15:00.000-05:00

I am one who loves to lead people to make beaurtiful music together. Who loves to have everything work in concert. Who understands that even the wrong notes can add a certain beauty.

I am working on a couple of workshops at church. It is fun to use my skills, creativity and daring to help put together a day for women to come together to learn and grow as they explore their spirituality. And working with wonderful women to make that happen inspires me to be more creative in my art and life.

On Track

2011-07-11T12:36:00.000-05:00

I am one who loves to walk in the sand. I am one who sometimes feels alone. Who is wondering what is behind the shadow that seems to be following me.

At WRLG last night we spoke of coming home to yourself. I always feel at home on the beach, it doesn't matter what the weather is. I also feel at home in the pine trees. These two bits of nature always center me.

The first place I said was home was my husband. If things are bad and I am having a hard time, I can always get centered when I speak with him. I think he is that shadow following me, keeping me on track.

Strong But Fragile

2011-07-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

I am one who is strong but fragile. Who is ready to expand my creativity and share it with others. Who can make the same things seem different.

I am working on a new series of glass. I can't wait for the first piece to come out of the kiln. If it worked the way I hoped, it will be a triptych for the wall of my home.

Water's Edge

2011-07-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

I am one who is finding herself in a precarious position. I am one who is aware that this could be a new beginning or an ending to life as it is now. Who takes solace in knowing that there is a protector behind me to keep me safe as I travel this new path.

The job search is not going well and I need to think about where else I might find employment. It is difficult at my age to change focus in my career path. I really need to get a chance to sit by the water's edge and contemplate my path.

Cravings

2011-07-03T11:52:00.000-05:00

I am one who is frequently of two minds about things. Who has trouble with keeping to the path my brain says to follow, it seems my cravings always win. Who is not always sure whether to be nice or a bitch.

I really am struggling with this problem. My brain tells me one thing and my body craves another. I just wish I had the strength to not give in to the cravings and make my body do what is right.

Breaking Out!

2011-06-30T11:04:00.001-05:00

I am one who is looking for ways to escape the norm. I am one who is being reborn.

I really am tired of the same old thing. I guess it comes from not working, but I really feel I need to reinvent myself. So I am clearing out stuff. Making room for the new me! Brutally clearing out things from my house and life.

If I don't want it, and the family doesn't want it, it needs to go!

Reconnecting

2011-06-29T07:31:00.000-05:00

I am one who is making sure I can communicate with everyone I care about. Who is making the effort to get in touch with those far away.

I am in touch with many more people now after my class reunion. And have found ways to connect with more. This will be fun!

Hanging by a thread!

2011-06-27T07:26:00.001-05:00

I am one who sometimes feels that I am hanging out there without help. Who is frightened of the unknown.

I had a very stressful day yesterday and feel like I am in new territory just hanging out there not knowing if what I am doing is right or if it is opening me up to things I would rather not have to deal with. If I make a wrong step it could mean tragedy.

Relax and Create!

2011-06-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

I am one who is happy to spend time relaxing. Who is always ready to create something colorful.

After spending the morning pulling weeds and grass out of the beds in the front yard, I am ready to relax and spend the day being creative. I will have to clear some space to do that as Helios is not open on Sundays. I will have to work in my own space.

Maiden, Mother, Crone

2011-06-08T08:59:00.000-05:00

I am one who is aware of the stages of my life; Maiden, Mother, Crone. Who is looking back at two of the stages and trying to find the right tune of the third.

Next week I will go to my 40th class reunion and visit with friends I haven't seen in at least 25 years. This is my first time to a class reunion and I am so not the "maiden" they knew. Although since I didn't hang out with most of the kids in my high school, but my 4-H friends most of my classmates were acquaintances.

My life has been a wonderful journey completely outside the scope of my imaginings as a maiden. I need to focus on the Crone I have become and not revert to the Maiden while visiting with family and former classmates.

Old Habits

2011-05-29T14:17:00.000-05:00

I am one who feels tied to where I seem to be stuck. Who is working to find a way to cut loose.

It feels like I never am able to break my old habits. I try to make progress in cleaning my house, but I don't have the energy to do it or ride herd on those who could help.

Sometimes I think I should just drive the lot to a charity shop and be done with it. But it seems silly when I am out of work to give away things I could actually get money for.

World Passing Me By

2011-05-27T11:49:00.000-05:00

I am one who is relaxing as the world passes by. Who is comfortable watching it go by. Who is unaware of the precariousness of her position.

This card always intrigues me. I am unsure if I should have an "oh well" attitude or be concerned. Today I think I will not worry about what is passing me by. Today I will work on what is important for today and not worry about tomorrow!

Which Direction?

2011-05-26T09:22:00.000-05:00

I am one who is looking in every direction for guidance. Who is willing to stretch myself to find my way on the path.

I am trying to find the time to work on my path, it seem to be overwhelmed by things to accomplish. But not searching out my path seems to make it harder to accomplish things, so I really need to make time daily for study and meditation.

Undecided

2011-05-23T13:27:00.002-05:00

I am one who is undecided as to what to chew on next. Who is looking at all the goodies and licking my chops while I decide. Who likes to think that the perfect thing is out there but am unsure how to find it.

Life has thrown us another curve ball. The job I thought I would get, I didn't. Oh, well I guess it wasn't the right job. Now to decide which way to go. Continue eating the same old stuff, look for new exotic stuff or cruise on over to something completely different!

I really need this time to organize myself and my house. I have also decided to spend a little more time in Wisconsin after by brother's wedding. Connect with some old friends and support my sister a bit after her hand surgery. Hopefully I will come across the right thing to do.

My Own Spiritual Path

2011-05-20T09:39:00.000-05:00

I am one who is on her own spiritual path. Who is not intimidated by those who are on a different path. Who is comfortable surrounded by those not on the same path.

This path is my own, I am still exploring it. Even though most of the jobs I am applying for are in churches on a different path, my openness to them following their path makes it OK.

This feels more comfortable than working in an environment where the path is not the focus.

Balance

2011-05-18T10:23:00.002-05:00

I am one who is looking for balance. Who is aware that energy is sometime not where you need it to be. I am one who realizes that today's balance may not last.

I am struggling to find the balance between hope and despair. Will they call and tell me I have the job or will it go to one of the other 2 candidates. I would enjoy this job, have actually been employed there in the past. Hope that gives me an edge.

Protection

2011-02-27T09:40:00.003-06:00

I am one who protects myself from the night. I am who is standing on the edge of the land and sea. Who is aware that many have gone before me and I need to pay attention to what they have to say before they are gone.

I do feel right now that I am in protection mode. I just don't know if it is a good thing or just isolationism. Rarely do I want to leave my home unless I have to and I don't want to see but a few people. Part of it is not feeling well, but I am not sure that is all of it.

It appears that life has decided to come down heavily on me. We will spend next weekend with hubby's family celebrating his dad's 90th. We know this is the last time we will see him alive as he has lung cancer. All the elders in my family are going now. It is getting hard to deal with those losses.

Out of Focus

2011-02-26T07:48:00.004-06:00

I am one who is focused on the small bits. Who is hanging with my friends enjoying life.

As this is the 3rd time I have drawn this card in 2 weeks. I think it must have something to say to me that I just don't get. I have been looking at it as a focus card. Focusing on the details and not seeing the big picture or focusing on renewal. I will have to think about what this cared really has to say. I am sure it will come up until I get the message it wants me to have!

The Sound of Water

2011-02-25T09:30:00.003-06:00

I am one who loves the sound of water. I am one who's soul is nourished when she is near water. Who dreams of living where she can hear the water always.

I am in a fragile spot today and I don't know why. But I am close to tears for no apparent reason and just feel like I want to spend the day alone and not have to deal with people. I am going to say it is the antibiotics and leave it at that. I take the last one this morning, so by tomorrow I will feel better.

I have a fountain given to me by my son and his girlfriend. I think I need to set it up today to have the peaceful sound of water to soothe me.

Nourish my Soul

2011-02-24T05:32:00.003-06:00

I am one who flits from flower to flower looking for nourishment. I am one who is looking for the best way to nourish my soul.

I continue to look for the best ways for me to grow spiritually. The religion of my youth was a great base to build on, but the organized part does not seem to fit me like it did when I was younger. My religion was a cloak to wear that protected me from harm, but didn't seem to keep me nourished. I am looking for the nourishment, not so much the protection.

Wisdom

2011-02-23T04:05:00.003-06:00

I am one who has the knowledge of the world at her fingertips. I am one who has wisdom.

I am feeling old this week. Health issues are harder to resolve. I am tired and just wish I could figure out what is going on and how to heal myself!

Jewels of my life

2011-01-15T10:31:00.003-06:00

I am one who carries with me all of the jewels I have been given throughout my life. I am one who knows that these jewels can be a heavy burden, but are well worth the effort. I am one who shared these jewels with those that I meet on my path. I am one who has the strength to carry this jewels because I have a very supportive partner.

This is a great reminder of all that I have been given in my life. The pretty, the plain, the glitzy bits of my life are an important part of me that I wear with pride. I hope that all these bits of me show through in how I live my life. I try to be compassionate, caring, non-judgmental but also keep my strength in place to protect myself and those around me.

I am supported by a wonderful husband and family. They make the burden light.

Blessing in Diguise

2011-01-06T06:19:00.003-06:00

I am one who has riches flowing down to me. I am one who knows that I am not like the crowd and look at riches differently than they do. I am one who knows that these riches can be viewed as a burden to protect yourself from.

This card is interesting to me. Right now we will be spending a lot of money to help out our son. He is going through a break up and will be moving back to TX. He has no job and is in school so his girlfriend had been supporting him. He graduates this summer, so it shouldn't be long term.

It is a blessing that he is coming home, but blessings can sometimes be a burden as well. There will be another person in the house and a cat too. All things to get used to after our empty nest home is filled again!

Time to Heal

2011-01-01T17:14:00.002-06:00

I am one who is taking the time to heal. Who feels the pressure of the time passing, but is willing to use the time to let my body heal.

This laying around not able to do anything is driving me crazy! I see all this stuff that needs doing, but the minute I do anything, I am in pain and start to bleed more. So I continue to lay around, read and watch TV.

I went to a NYE party last night and it really wore me out. But I didn't do anything to make it worse, I am just tired. I really needed the time with people outside the family!

Path to Wellness

2010-12-29T07:07:00.003-06:00

I am one who is carefully making my way to freedom. I am one who knows to watch for the pitfalls on my journey to wellness. Who is carrying a burden that puts me off balance at times.

I continue to heal from my surgery. Saw the doctor yesterday since I was still bleeding and the nurse thought I should. It appears that what is going on is normal, but the day of complete rest between the call and seeing the doctor probably helped the most. Sometimes we need a little scare to get us to pay attention.

I must continue to walk the path to wellness and look for ways for that to happen. I got two new cookbooks for Christmas. Now to be well enough to start cooking. I am really grateful that my son is here from Tampa. He has made my life easier since the surgery and continues to remind me to take it easy. I really wished he lived closer!

Protection

2010-12-21T07:50:00.003-06:00

I am one who is aware of the protection of the ancestors. I am one who lives with their knowledge and guidance. I am one who knows that I am being cared for and supported by those who surround me, living and dead.

Today I will have surgery to repair a rectocele. Pretty common surgery, but not a lot of fun for recovery. I was told to expect that I won't want to sit for any length of time for 1-2 weeks. So I am looking for the support of family and friends and those who have gone before me. I ask for guidance for the surgeon, Melody Denson, and all the staff of Seton Medical Center.

It is fitting that the beginning of this problem, the birth of my first child, should finish at the same medical facility. It reminds me of the circle of life. Learning from those who go before, listening and supporting with compassion to all those around us.

May I keep an open heart and a positive attitude even if there is a lot of pain and discomfort. I look forward to the week of Christmas with my family. No matter how I feel, I am so grateful they are there for me.

Adventure

2010-11-20T08:33:00.003-06:00

I am one who craves adventure. I am one who is willing to take risks. I am one who loves to try different things.

As I head off on vacation I am looking forward to seeing some different things and having new experiences. Not up for kayaking or rock climbing! But am looking forward to state parks, pertroglyphs, wineries, a play and some sporting events.

Nuturing

2010-11-12T07:05:00.004-06:00

I am one who misses the care and concern of a parent. I am one who tries to be nurturing but not overbearing to my young.

I am still recovering from my day of grief yesterday. It is actually hard to function in a normal fashion. This image reminds me that I can get the nurturing I need from people other than my parents.

Peace

2010-11-11T07:49:00.003-06:00

I am one who holds the knowledge of the world in my hand. Who is worried for the earth and what we humans are doing to our mother. I am one who is aware that the neighborhood I live in is the world. I am one who wishes everyone in the world would just do the right thing and live in peace.

This is a hard day for me. The first Veteran's Day without my dad. It kind of took me by surprise, the fact that I can't stop crying. I don't think I have let myself grieve for him and all that he represents to me. I want to make a difference in the world, like he did.

Harmony

2010-11-10T06:30:00.003-06:00

I am one who likes to orchestrate things. I am one who loves it when I can facilitate harmonious things. I am one who is much more comfortable when I am in charge.

This card was made for me by a friend. As the adult child of an alcoholic I spend a lot of my time making things happen a certain way, so there won't be missteps along the way. Sometimes that doesn't allow for the process of learning for those around me. I am trying very hard to let go, but I keep waiting for that slap when things don't go right.

Root Chakra

2010-10-17T09:25:00.006-05:00

I am one who is blooming into the person I want to be. I am one who is looking to open her root chakra.

I am learning to take care of myself. Knowing when to say no and limit my activities so I can have the energy to do the things I want and need to do. Resting when I am tired is important. I am not sleeping well and need to make sure I get my naps in when possible.

Vacation Readings

2010-08-30T06:29:00.010-05:00

From 8/2
I am one who is looking for the bright core. I am one who is strong & brilliant. I am one who is blooming into a strong intelligent woman.

Sometimes I feel that I am not very bright. But then I realize that my brilliance is in finding unique solutions to problems. I shouldn't wast my time on "sounding" intelligent. I just need to use my intellect in a way that works for me.

From 8/3
I am one who is looking for excitement. Who is looking for a challenge.

I realized that with Rod not able to do lots because of his knee and a cold, that I really don't want a "do nothing" vacation. If we could stay in the condo and do different things than we do at home, that would be fine. I really don't want to watch TV or read all day!

From 8/5
I am one who feels helpless. I am one who sees the destruction and has no idea how or if to help.

My upbringing makes me want to fix everything. And when I don't help or enable it feels so worn. I just want to fix the world. I am looking for the balance of observing and helping.

From 8/6
I am one who is seeking a peaceful place. I am one who is at home near the water. Who loves to listen to the sounds of waterfalls and running streams.

I realized that the sound of water is what relaxes me more than anything. I am going to miss the sound of the ocean when we leave today!

From 8/8

I am one who is ancient. I am one who looks a little worse for wear. Who has been around the block a few times.

I am not one to have the wool pulled over my eyes. I have knowledge and experience and won't let others walk all over me. I will sand up for what is right for me and my family.

From 8/10
I am one who is hiding from my needs. Who is afraid to ask for help. Who is hungry and afraid.

This child is me. Covering myself in a protective layer. Seeming to be begging crumbs from those around me. I don't feel good enough to ask, juts sit there and look pitiful and maybe someone will give me what I need. Affection, time to chat, companionship.

From 8/11
I am one who is happy surrounded with color. Bright blue skies, green trees and colorful flowers.

There have been times this trip I have thought Oregon would be a cool place to live. But I would mess the bright skies of the south. S.A.D. here I come!

From 8/13
I am one who likes quiet time in nature. I am one who loves to listen to the sounds of nature.

If I can't find some water to be near for peace and quiet-nature is the next best thing. Last night's picnic at Champoeg State Park was great!

Turning away

2010-07-16T09:51:00.003-05:00

I am one of the ages. I am one who is turning away from the old ways. I am one who is looking in a new direction.

After spending a week of sorting through the pieces of my father's life by clearing out his house, I realized that most of what is in my house is useless and unimportant to anyone but me. I really don't want my kids to have to do what I just did.

I really need to simplify my life by divesting myself of useless items. Move on to simplicity and focus on what is important. Family, health and well being.

Life Mate

2010-07-14T05:41:00.002-05:00

I am one who is mated for life. I am one who is one half of a whole heart. I am one who is supported by my mate.

Quite honestly, the last couple of months would have been unbearable without my husband. He has been there for whatever I have needed. Support, space, a shoulder to cry on. Can't imagine my life without him!

Step out of the darkness

2010-07-13T07:18:00.003-05:00

I am one who is bursting forth with light. I am one who is stepping out of the darkness. I am one who is aware that this path could take me anywhere, even back into the dark.

My father passed away a month ago and I just got home after clearing out his home of his worldly possessions. I do feel like I am literally stepping into the light after months of the end of life process. Not sure where all this will lead me, but I am ready to move towards the light.

Road to Freedom

2010-04-28T03:42:00.003-05:00

I am one who is one a perilous road to freedom. I am one who is aware that every step I take is important. I am one who even though my burden is heavy and awkward, knows that it is mine to carry and will do my best to continue on the journey set before me.

Today I will have a vp shunt installed inside my head. It has been a long journey to this juncture, but I am certain I am on the right path. It could be quite a journey to recovery, but it could also be the path to freedom. Freedom from headache, tinnitus, vision problems and cognitive issues. They don't call my condition pseudo tumor for nothing!

Nature

2010-04-11T05:58:00.003-05:00

I am one who holds nature in her hand. I am one with the ability to view her her space objectively. I am one who looks to the natural world for peace.

I am waiting for the oak pollen to subside so I can spend some time in nature. Right now if I go out I can't catch my breath. I was accidentally poisoned by Easter Lilies and haven't been the same since. The weather is beautiful and I can't wait to spend some time outdoors.

Myopic

2010-04-10T15:17:00.003-05:00

I am one who is focused on what is in front of me. I am one who is moving slowly towards the transformation of my life. I am one who sometimes has trouble focusing on the big picture.

Right now my life seems very myopic. One foot in front of the other, focusing on the goal. Not a lot of time to spare for the fun things.

Protected

2010-04-09T10:02:00.003-05:00

I am one who is caught in a cage. I am one who is still able to sing. I am one who is protected and cared for. I am one who is breaking out of her shell.

I woke up in tears this morning. I hope that is not a precursor to bad news. I will pray for the family members in my dreams and hope that all is well.

The good news is I have a wonderful husband who understands that what I am going through will take a lot of my time and energy. He supports me by being there to cry on, does my chores when I am too exhausted and is the greatest emotional support. I know this life would be much harder without him

Facade

2010-04-08T06:49:00.004-05:00

I am one who feels frozen where she is. I am one who is golden on the outside and base metal on the inside, able to appear to be what she is not.

It is hard sometimes to keep up the facade of "everything is all right". I have days where I wonder where I will get the energy to function with any kind of normalcy. We are making progress for my parents' care, but it seems slow going and I have days of despair.

Quietly listen

2010-04-07T06:48:00.003-05:00

I am one who is close to nature. I am one who looks for the natural way whenever possible. I am one who wants to spend more time outdoors. I am one who quietly listens to nature.

I have been enjoying Spring. It came a little late and seems it may be a bit short, but I really want to incorporate some time outdoors on my days off. I know the more time I spend in nature the more relaxed and happy I am.

Awash with Color

2010-04-04T08:33:00.003-05:00

I am one who is at times feels like 2 people. I am one who is awash with color. I am one who is in the middle of turmoil.

I am looking forward to some restful time. Until that happens, I need to make the best of whatever life throws at me. It is colorful and unexpected, but it is what I have to deal with.

Great Capacity

2010-04-03T07:00:00.003-05:00

I am one who is fragile yet strong. I am one who has the capacity to hold everything in. I am one who has great beauty.

This reminds me that God won't give me anything I can't handle. I have the capacity to hold on to what is important and let the rest overflow out of the way. I really need to prioritize. The highest priority is my health.

I took yesterday off. Didn't call my dad, but I needed the break. When things get too overwhelming, I just need to let the unimportant things go.

Energy Crisis

2010-04-02T12:43:00.007-05:00

I am one who looks for energy. I am one who is unpredictable in my energy use. I am one who is trying to conserve energy for the world and myself.

I have found a new solution to my energy crisis. Vitamin D! It appears that being on the low side of normal is not enough for me. I really need to be nearer the middle of the range. The doctor has given me a mega-dose prescription for one tablet a week. The over the counter stuff doesn’t work for me.

It appears that even though this is an old problem, lack of energy, the medical community has been telling us for years to get more sun and we don’t have to worry about vitamin D. Wrong! We should all be tested for our levels and add this vitamin to our regimen.

What's the Point?

2010-04-01T05:58:00.003-05:00

I am one who is more comfortable when things line up with an apparent point. I am one who appears to be missing the solar plexus chakra. I am one who loves color.

With all that is going on in my life, I find that I need order. Unfortunately because of what is going on in my life, things are chaos. I am almost done with putting away Christmas, but too many projects have been started and then abandoned to be able to tidy quickly.

My time fills up with dealing with family things long distance and the stress of still learning a job while my boss is getting ready to be finished. That will leave me as the only employee and the only one with the knowledge of everything!

Up, Up and Away! Please!

2010-03-31T07:42:00.003-05:00

I am one who wants to get away from it all. I am one who is afraid that there is something coming that will poke a hole in my balloon. I am one who looks at things from a different perspective.

As I move into the end of the week, I think about all I have to do and trying to figure out where the energy will come from. The Universe told me today in my daily email that everything I thought would be difficult was, if I thought it would be fun it was, etc. I really need to look at things objectively and not prejudge. Then what will be will be, but I won't be making it worse by worrying.

Organized

2010-03-30T08:28:00.004-05:00

I am one who thinks outside the box. I am one who loves to have things neatly organized. I am one who is always smiling.

What I like and what I have are two different things. I would love to be organized, it just doesn't seem to be in the cards. Today is the day I put Christmas away. I am not sure what the reluctance to this task is, but it has become a problem. There needs to be one room in the house that it neat and tidy. The living room is the easiest! I should just do it.

Who Am I?

2010-03-29T06:16:00.003-05:00

I am one who has many selves. I am one who is young and sexy; elegant; loves to sing and dance. I am one who is adaptable to most situations.

I really need to make sure I don't lose myself as I adapt to meet the current situation. Sometimes it is hard to remember who I am.

Opening old chambers

2010-03-28T07:50:00.002-05:00

I am one who is circling around the center. I am one who is looking for a way in. I am one who changes as I grow, adding chambers to my soul.

I sometimes feel like I separate the important parts of myself to keep out the old pain. I want to find a way in to access those thoughts and memories. Bring them to the open and look at them from a safe distance.

Helpless and heartbroken

2010-03-26T09:54:00.003-05:00

I am one who knows there is poverty in the world. I am one who sees that there is enough for all, if only all would share. I am one who is helpless and heartbroken.

I just came back from a week of trying to help my parents. My dad is unwell and needs to go into care but they have too many assets and not enough cash to pay for the care they need. I feel helpless because I couldn't get more accomplished and heartbroken because I hear the fear and pain in my father's voice.

Reaching for the Center

2010-01-29T08:53:00.004-06:00

I am one who is reaching for the bright center. I am one who is concerned about the traversing the maze to reach the center, but is sure that with time and diligence she car arrive there.

At the moment, the maze is Christmas decorations still up. Today is the day I tackle that. I want to document all the ornaments in a database. Many have great meaning to me and I don't want to lose that information before I pass things on to my kids.

Fiery Me

2010-01-06T05:09:00.003-06:00

I am one who dances by the rushing waters. I am one who is fiery, joyful and full of life. I am one who worships with joy in nature.

This is my reminder to spend more time outdoors doing the things I love. I have been spending way too much time indoors with stuff! I will be in Tucson next week and will have to take some time to get outdoors, preferably not just at my Dad's, but maybe at the bird sanctuary. The water there doesn't rush, but it is home to many migratory birds.

Ignore the Chaos

2009-12-31T07:14:00.004-06:00

I am one who seems unaware of the chaos around me. I am one who is enjoying the comforts I have. I am one who is unconcerned about all that needs to be done and will take time to relax and enjoy myself.

This is so me this week. A houseful of family and my house is not even close to tidy! At least its family and they know us well enough to know that we feel there are things that are much more important than a tidy house. Family, Fun and Good Food!

Whole world in her hand

2009-12-28T06:53:00.003-06:00

I am one who holds nature in my hand. I am one who is careful with the environment. I am one who feels energized by nature.

I am so looking forward to some time outdoors. I know compared to some places, it is not cold here, but if I get cold I stay cold for a long time! So I hope this week while I am off work, we can get some outdoor time in. Maybe Enchanted Rock State Park!

Struggling on the Path

2009-12-27T09:58:00.003-06:00

I am one who feels small. I am one in awe of the world. I am one who is struggling to continue on the way. I am one who is moving away from the frozen state I am in and toward the moving water.

I feel like I am moving ahead even though things are not moving as quickly as I wish. I am looking for ways to improve my energy levels and concentration on the task at hand.

Transform

2009-12-24T08:17:00.004-06:00

I am one who is bright and cheerful. I am one who is unusual and different. I am one who is attracted to bright colors. I am one who is transforming.

As we head into the holidays I look forward to the new year. I will be working on my intentions, looking for a single adjective that I will strive to maintain for the year. Sounds better than a resolution!

Watch What I Eat

2009-12-23T05:48:00.003-06:00

I am one who is aware of the danger of the wrong food. I am one who is looking to improve how and how much I eat. I am one who is a bomb ready to explode.

This card is a good reminder as I come into the holiday season that I really need to pay attention to what I eat. Continue to look for the hidden ingredients that can explode in my body and make me feel bad. I will be eating at family & friend's homes and need to remain vigilant if I don't want to get sick.

It is difficult when you are staying away from home and don't have control of a kitchen. I am taking plenty of food with me, and hope to not offend our hosts.

Helping hand

2009-12-22T07:21:00.005-06:00

I am one who thinks she is helpful. I am one who can't let others accomplish things unassisted. I am one who reaches out for those in need. I am one who is trying to balance my life while helping others.

Wow! I have pulled this card several times before and I never got those "I Am One who..." before. I just finished a session of tapping and my mind is really focused.

I do try to not be so helpful, but that is the child of an alcoholic in me. I see potential problems and need to head them off at the pass. I am aware of this and do try really hard to not be co-dependent about things. Although when I am stressed, it just happens. So I will try harder to let others realize their own potential and deal with their own mistakes.

Being Patient

2009-12-21T07:10:00.002-06:00

I am one who is balancing work, home and health. I am one who knows there is energy out there, I just have to be patient for it to come my way.

I am trying to find the right balance between work, and getting ready for the holidays. After 8 months off, it is hard to get in the swing of being back at work. Although that will change again unless there is funding for my position.

Mysteries of Life

2009-12-20T09:15:00.003-06:00

I am one who is looking for the mysteries of life. I am one who is aware that the mysteries are innumerable. I am one who is looking for the the amazing in her life.

I am amazed at the intricacies of the human body. How is works and sometimes doesn't. How the doctors find those things that don't work and fix them or not. As I face the possibility of more surgery I need to look at what is important in my life: family; friends; spiritual health and my surroundings. What to eliminate, what to keep.

Clear Path

2009-12-19T14:51:00.002-06:00

I am one who will follow the path where it leads me, but I don't have the knowledge of the steps until I need to know them. I am one who will listen to what my spirit guides have to say as I choose the path to follow.

I feel that I am on the edge of finding the next step in my path. I have changed doctors and feel very comfortable with Dr. M. He is helping me with the next steps to a healthier me.

I have some major changes ahead of me, I just have to trust that the way will become clear when I arrive at the place to make decisions.

Wise

2009-12-17T08:48:00.003-06:00

I am one who is wise. I am one who is at one with the Universe. I am one who is nourished by the water and the earth.

I am heading to have a lumbar puncture today. I am not afraid, I am not stressed. I know the Universe will take care of me.

Twisted Up

2009-12-15T07:30:00.006-06:00

I am one who has worked hard to be flexible and is now uncomfortable with the position I am in. I am one who feels like she is always performing tasks that don't come naturally to me.

This is the first time I have pulled this card. I made it on the SoulCollage Escape I went to in November. That is the last time I didn't feel all twisted up.

It is the time of year, where due to procrastination, I am trying to fit in all I need to do in a very short amount of time. Still working on my ornaments, I have a lumbar puncture on Thursday, and I still need to do some Christmas shopping and shipping. If it weren't for the ornaments, I could ship, but I don't have enough done to do that! I also am having a bad headache week. I hope the LP takes care of it, because if it doesn't, that means there is something else wrong!

All Lined Up

2009-12-14T09:22:00.004-06:00

I am one who thinks that things are easier when they are all lined up. I am one who loves to work with a sharp pencil. I am one looking for a way to organize my stuff that is easy and fun.

I really need to get over the easy part. It can be fun and hard. Just not sure how to figure out the fun part of organizing all my stuff. I don't want to lose the spontaneity of discovery when I an working on my art. And I also don't want to limit myself to only glass. But what to keep of the old mediums I used to create? Do I send them all to the thrift shop, sell them on Ebay, or give them to friends. I have a lot of money invested in my supplies and tools.

Balancing

2009-12-13T10:34:00.004-06:00

I am one who is trying to balance everything in my life. I am one who is at home in the desert. I am one who is contemplating my life. I am one who is looking for balance.

As I spent this morning looking for a full time permanent job, I realized I have no idea what direction my life will take. There are some constants: family friends and where I live. But not sure what life will throw at me career wise. Lots to contemplate!

Together Forever

2009-12-10T13:58:00.002-06:00

I am one who knows that my mate will protect me from the elements. I am one whose relationship with her mate is out there for all to see. I am one who does not hide when the going gets tough.

Next month we will celebrate our 31st anniversary. Not that long in comparison to some, but a lot longer than some others.

We have had our ups and downs, but we have faced everything together. I hope our relationship will be an example for our children. Of course they also have grandparents, aunts and uncles to look to for example as well.

Time Passages

2009-12-09T09:09:00.003-06:00

I am one who is looking for time to accomplish everything. I am one who is on a deadline. I am one who is aware of time passing.

As the time approaches for a 24-48 hour forced bedridden time, I am freaking out at what needs to be accomplished before the deadline. And after the bed ridden part I might still be able to only lay around for several days recovering. Not the best time of year to do this, but it needs to be done this year.

Unwinding

2009-11-30T07:42:00.003-06:00

I am one who is searching for the right shade of color in my life. I am one who seems organized but is really not as tightly wound as I would like to be. I am one who tries to be organized but never completely accomplishes my goal.

I really need to figure out a way to organize my art supplies. It sounds like it should be easy, but things unravel here and there and it never gets tidy. It is frustrating to no end that I can't accomplish what seems to be a simple thing.

Spark of Creativity

2009-11-29T08:31:00.003-06:00

I am one who is blooming with inner light. I am one who is fiery at the center. I am one who is burning off the old parts that are no longer useful. I am one with the spark of creativity.

This card is all about the bursting forth of new ideas and paths. I am moving toward an improved me everyday. My creativity has been sparked and I am enjoying being creative again.

Key to Joy

2009-11-27T07:18:00.005-06:00

I am one who is aware that the women in my life are the key to finding my path. I am one who knows that there are many keys to life, but only one is going to work at this particular moment. I am one who wants to spend quality time with the women in my life.

I enjoy the time that I spend with my women friends. My new boss is a woman and that is something different for me. Luckily she is a woman of peace and justice, so we get along just fine. I need to find more ways to spend quality time with my friends, it is the key to my joy.

Spiritual Path

2009-11-25T07:09:00.002-06:00

I am one who loves to walk on the beach. I am one who appears to be on the path alone. I am one who needs to widen her focus to include others on this path. I am one who is aware that her impression on the world is fleeting.

It is nice to see this card. I really need to shift my focus to include others who can help me on my path. I have been quite isolated in my quest to find my spiritual path. It has been my health that I use as an excuse. Too tired to go to the groups that help me on my path. Dealing with health issues and finding root causes for symptoms takes up a lot of my energy. I forget how invigorating it can be to spend time with others on the quest of their spiritual path.

Time to get started!

2009-11-23T06:48:00.002-06:00

I am one who is aware of time passing. I a am one who is trying to fit in all the things she needs to do in a limited amount of time. I am one who needs to manage my time better. I am one who is looking for a way to organize my time.

I really do need to get my life organized. My house is a mess and I can't seem to make myself conquer the mess. It is all so overwhelming! The Universe (tut.com) told me to take baby steps, but I am still crawling toward getting started!

Peace

2009-11-19T07:02:00.004-06:00

I am one who is most comfortable out doors near the water. I am one who feels she is watching her life fly by. I am one looking for ways to find peace and relaxation. I am one who is wistful over the time when I was young, fit and carefree.

As the year ends I am looking for ways to find that inner peace that used to be a big part of me. I keep searching for it in places, but I think I need to look more to the youthful, never grow up, part of me. I am struggling with job, health and financial stuff and how to function as the youthful person I feel inside instead of the old lady I seem to be moving into. It isn't about growing old, but how I do that gracefully.

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions, but I may work some intentions into my life the next month or so. Intentions sounds so much better. Like I will improve things instead of forbid myself things!

Finding Nourishment

2009-11-06T06:53:00.002-06:00

I am one who is searching for the nourishment I need. I am one who seems to flit here and there never staying in one spot for long. I am one who is ready to move on to the next place of nourishment.

This weekend is our SoulCollage® Escape. A weekend of cardmaking, readings, communing with nature and labyrinth walking. No schedules, just flitting from one activity to the next. Sleeping and eating when I want! Sounds like heaven!

Winds of Change

2009-11-05T07:18:00.003-06:00

I am one who is aware of the stages of a woman's life. I am one who is letting the winds of change blow over her. I am one who is gleaning more about myself and hoping for the winds of change to blow away the chaff.

I am afraid to say it definitely, but it appears that I may start working on Monday. It will be a possibly temporary part time job through the end of the year. I will learn more later today. It will be a job that will test my patience at time as it is for a church group that can be conservative in their views at times. But the work will be challenging and the person I would work for is really nice.

I will just continue to keep my mouth shut and learn new skills where I can. She understands that I will continue to look for a full time job. So I think my time will be flexible and I will learn a lot more about bookkeeping.

Watch your step

2009-10-28T07:10:00.003-05:00

I am one who is walking toward freedom. I am one who is walking carefully to avoid pitfalls. I am one who knows that the path is safe if I pay attention to where I step.

I do feel that I am walking a perilous path. The path seems to run between doctors and their differing opinions. I will see one today to get more info if possible. Still waiting for one to call me back to schedule an appointment. I am really worried about my eyes and what is happening with them. How will I be able to walk the path without vision.

2009-10-27T08:08:00.001-05:00

I am one who feels like she is together but different than the rest of the group. I am one who is focused on the differences between us. I am one who is looking for more focus.

I actually am feeling quite apart from everyone. I haven't been hanging out with anyone but Rod. I still meet one morning a week to do SoulCollage®, but everyone is really busy with no time to get together for fun. I really need to make an effort to socialize more. I am beginning to feel homebound.

Shifting Balance

2009-10-26T09:58:00.004-05:00

I am one who is balancing my needs with those around me. I am one who is looking for the energy to make things happen. I am one who is unsure how I am keeping balanced with all the weight I feel on my shoulders.

My unemployment is organized. I have several other phone calls to make this am. I hate calling people I don't know on the phone! It would be so nice if all this stuff could be handled by email. But that could upset the balance of the known world!

My balance has shifted somewhat. The Vitamin D the Dr. gave me has cleared up my head and I am no longer concerned I have Alzheimer's. So things are looking up. As long as you don't see that huge rock hanging there in the balance. That could get scary!

Answered Prayers

2009-10-25T10:07:00.004-05:00

I am one who is looking to the sages for guidance. I am one who knows that the next step on my path will become clear when it is time. I am one who has faith that I will know when to take the next step.

This card reminds me that my prayer in this whole job search thing is that I will only be offered the right job. Since I haven't been offered anything yet, I am taking it on faith that my prayers are being answered!

Life is all about the journey, not the destination. What have I learned about myself on the way? I am learning that I am great at procrastination and without structure my house/life goes to hell in a hand basket.

I am finding that I am isolating myself from the friends and things I love. I keep up with my SoulCollage® practices, but prefer to not participate much with the group. We have an Escape planned in 2 weeks, I hope I can reconnect there.

I was speaking with a friend who was struggling with the structure thing and she commented that a morning ritual gave her the structure she needs to keep her day on track. I really hope to find that ritual for myself. She and I have started tapping. It is really amazing how it works. You can see it at www.tapping.com. Enjoy!

Ancient Path

2009-10-23T11:54:00.003-05:00

I am one who walks the ancient path. I am one who protects myself from the elements. I am one trying to decipher the ancient writings. I am one who is comfortable by the sea.

I loved staying across from the bay in San Diego. A beach walk would have been great, but no car to get there. I am always energized after having spent time by the sea. My readings during my stay there were very profound and put me on the path towards enlightenment. Today this path continues. I will continue to look at the ancient religions to find the parts that I feel are relevant to my spiritual path.

Aware but unconcerned

2009-10-21T10:15:00.002-05:00

I am one who is living her life as if there are no dangers surrounding her. I am one who is comfortable in her space. I am one who relaxes with the knowledge that even though there are treacherous waters below, I am supported by a strong network of family and friends.

I realized that I do just blithely continue on, even though things are scary or dangerous. I am aware of that there are things that can harm or deter me, but I just continue on. I may be on the look out for things that could go wrong, but I don't let that stop me from my quest. Whatever that quest may be.

Pick the good stuff

2009-10-14T06:32:00.003-05:00

I am one who is pruning away the parts that inhibit growth. I am one who is looking for things to spice up my life. I am one who is looking for the prime parts that are the best of me. I am one who is flitting around looking for nourishment.

I have a job interview today. I need to let go of the things that will inhibit me from getting the job; the self doubt, concern over the cold sore that popped up today and the worry about how I would fit in at a state agency. I can do what I need to be successful!

Wish me luck!

Listen!

2009-10-13T09:47:00.003-05:00

I am one who is looking for peace and quiet. I am one who is trying to shush the voices telling me what to do. I am one who is listening to nature and hopes that she has some answers.

The weekend was great. Our campsite was on the water and I felt so relaxed and rejuvenated. I am trying harder to listen to what my body is telling me it needs. I have to organize myself to lose some weight and get more exercise. Let's hope I can get up early to walk when I can listen to nature!

Break Through

2009-10-08T08:45:00.003-05:00

I am one who is locked into a pattern. I am one who has the key to unlock the chains, but all the keys are rusty. I am one who is looking for sunshine. I am one looking to break the chain keeping me in the dark isolated place i find myself in.

I really wish I could make myself do the things my brain knows are right. I have done it in the past, but the habits are rusty and I am not sure they will work anymore. I know in my head that the old patten isn't working, but I seemed locked into it and can't seem to break myself out. I am sure there is a breakthrough out there, I just wish it would come my way!

Outside Looking In

2009-10-07T07:56:00.003-05:00

I am one who needs to find a way to help those in need. I am one who feels like she is on the outside looking in. I am one who feels like she is not participating in the world. I am one who feels like she is just a spectator.

It appears this week my soul needs to step outside itself and reach out to others. I have been thinking as my birthday comes up that I would like to have a party. I will incorporate donations to my favorite charity instead of gifts. Gifts to me would just give me more material things to find a place for and I am already struggling with that.

So I will talk to Rod and pick a date for a party and then have people make donations or assemble a Kit for CWS: http://www.churchworldservice.org/site/DocServer/KitGuide.pdf?docID=361.

Balance

2009-10-06T12:17:00.003-05:00

I am one who is aware of the big gap between rich and poor. I am one who is trying to live more simply. I am one who is frustrated by people who are seemingly unaware of the needs of others and continue to spend way to much money on frivolous things. I am one who appalled by those who don't teach their children the value of money and to have concern for those less fortunate.

It appears that it is a soapbox day. I am appalled by some of the things I see happening in the world. The rich get richer and those of us unemployed/working stiffs are struggling more and more.

My unemployment runs out this week. I am eligible for an extension, but it is less money than I was getting. I can't find a job and there will be less money coming in.

I am still one of the lucky ones, I have a working husband, a home and great family & friends. I am not living in my car or on the streets. So even though I am frustrated by the inequality of it all, I consider myself lucky!

Spectator

2009-10-05T09:26:00.004-05:00

I am the one who is aware that I am approaching a different phase of my life. I am the one who feels like a spectator of my life. I am the one who is looking for the balance in trying to be more spiritual, finding more joy, and to taking time to relax.

This reminds me to not be so cerebral about things. I need to be more active in my life improvement process. Participate more, research less!