How Do I Steer This Thing?

I am one who is feeling the heat from all that the Universe is sending me close to. Who is unsure what lies ahead when I don't seem to have much choice in my direction. Who is worried that if the lava doesn't get me the smoke will.

I am struggling with health issues again/still. My neurologist is not available until January, so I will see his PA today. I am not sure if I should hope things are bad enough to get me in sooner or not. My confusion, hand shaking and other assorted symptoms continue. Although the everything hurts symptom has lessened to everything is uncomfortable.

It is really hard to look for a job when you feel this way!

Facade

I am one who at times seems bigger than life. Who is able to perform as though I am a strong person, but is actually just afraid to fail. Who appears to love the spotlight, but is truly just trying to find my niche.

I have recently realized that very few people know the real me. I have been performing as the person I think they want me to be for so long I have lost some of myself. It is hard to maintain that facade now that I feel so ill.

I really am a petty, jealous, lazy person. It appears I got more of the Adams' women genes than I thought.

Nurture vs Nature

I am one who is nurturing. Who loves to spend time with my children.Who is aware that now that they are adults I  have less influence on their decision making.

I always feel sad when Carey & Pam go back home. I know that they have their own lives, but I do enjoy being around them and miss them when they are at their home. 

Our conversations always bring up things that are interesting to think about when they have gone home.

Working in Harmony

I am one who loves to lead people to make beaurtiful music together. Who loves to have everything work in concert. Who understands that even the wrong notes can add a certain beauty.

I am working on a couple of workshops at church. It is fun to use my skills, creativity and daring to help put together a day for women to come together to learn and grow as they explore their spirituality. And working with wonderful women to make that happen inspires me to be more creative in my art and life.

On Track

I am one who loves to walk in the sand. I am one who sometimes feels alone. Who is wondering what is behind the shadow that seems to be following me.

At WRLG last night we spoke of coming home to yourself. I always feel at home on the beach, it doesn't matter what the weather is. I also feel at home in the pine trees. These two bits of nature always center me.

The first place I said was home was my husband. If things are bad and I am having a hard time, I can always get centered when I speak with him. I think he is that shadow following me, keeping me on track.

Strong But Fragile

I am one who is strong but fragile. Who is ready to expand my creativity and share it with others. Who can make the same things seem different.

I am working on a new series of glass. I can't wait for the first piece to come out of the kiln. If it worked the way I hoped, it will be a triptych for the wall of my home.

Water's Edge

I am one who is finding herself in a precarious position. I am one who is aware that this could be a new beginning or an ending to life as it is now. Who takes solace in knowing that there is a protector behind me to keep me safe as I travel this new path.

The job search is not going well and I need to think about where else I might find employment. It is difficult at my age to change focus in my career path. I really need to get a chance to sit by the water's edge and contemplate my path.

Cravings

I am one who is frequently of two minds about things. Who has trouble with keeping to the path my brain says to follow, it seems my cravings always win. Who is not always sure whether to be nice or a bitch.

I really am struggling with this problem. My brain tells me one thing and my body craves another. I just wish I had the strength to not give in to the cravings and make my body do what is right.